Treat ‘Yo Feet with an At Home Pedicure

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone.amope_pedi_perfect_3

Truth be told, I’ve never been one of those girls who goes for a bi-weekly or monthly pedicure. I danced my entire life, studying and then instructing mostly barefoot through my late teens and early twenties, and calluses were like a badge of honor that kept my feet from going raw when leaping and turning from class to class. Getting a splash of polish was pointless because it would scrape right off, and I guess I just never really got into the habit of taking care of my feet (that sounds so gross, huh?!). Even now with my dancing days behind me, I really cannot justify spending $30something dollars on something that I can easily do by myself at home, and my trips to the nail salon are usually reserved for a summer wedding or beach vacation.

Obviously the “ease” in giving myself a full pedi at home has become a bit difficult with the basketball 35 week old baby that’s currently taking up temporary residency in my belly, but man oh man have the weekly Epsom salt baths that I’ve been indulging in these past few weeks been such a lovely treat for my feet throughout this final trimester.

amope_pedi_perfect_reviewEpsom salt foot baths are natural and anti-inflammatory, and can safely provide relief from common pregnancy aches and pains, leg cramps and muscle tension. I recently started pairing my weekend foot bath routine with the Amopé Pedi Perfect and Amopé Foot Cream, and my feetsies have never been happier, softer or smoother.


Amopé, which is Portuguese for “love your feet”, is a brand that enables women to #RespectUrFeet, enhance your at-home foot care routine and enjoy every step of the journey that life takes you on. The Pedi Perfect is a fancy little handheld battery-operated gadget with a rotating pumice that gently buffs away dead skin cells, and the Foot Cream is a yummy lotion that nourishes and moisturizes the skin of the feet. Both are brand new products that can be found in the foot care aisle at Target.


My preggo-pedi routine starts with a hot foot bath in the tub where I add a ½ cup of Epsom salt, a ½ cup of coarse salt, and 4 drops of an essential oil (lavender and lemon are my favorites). I sit in a chair near the tub and swing my legs over the side of it to soak my feet in the hot bath water while trying to get comfortable and possibly relax for about ten minutes. Once the water has cooled, I dry my feet thoroughly and then buff them with the Amopé Pedi Perfect. Being able to perch my feet on the side of the tub to do this really helps and alleviates the discomforts of trying to reach my feet with an 8 month preggo belly in the way. After my feet are buffed I run them under hot water again to wash away the ugly dead skin, I pat them dry, and then massage the Amopé Foot Cream onto my lower legs and feet, utilizing the side of the tub the entire time to then finish off my preggo-pedi with a quick cut, buff and polish of my toes.


I’ll spare you a photo of my sausage toes, okay? You’re welcome. ;) Do you have a favorite essential oil, nail polish color or at-home pedi tip? Share it in a comment below :)


*Between 11/9 and 11/22, if you purchase one Pedi Perfect (have you started Christmas shopping yet?) you’ll receive a $5 Target gift card, and you can also score 10% off your Amopé Pedi Perfect by using this offer in the Cartwheel app:

Friday Funnies

I could honestly watch this video all day long.


My life. #FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty. #preggoproblems


I’m totally skipping the traditional Merry Christmas Cards this year and getting one of these LOLz’ers.


I wanted this post to go out 30 minutes ago but then I got sucked into reading

What are everyone’s plans for the weekend? My mom bought us (read: my twelve year old little brother) tickets to go see Criss Angel tonight at Foxwoods. Magic creeps me out, but it makes the little man happy so I’m rolling with it, and hopefully I’ll be able to sneak into one of the casinos for a quick minute. If I’m not back on Monday it’s because I hit the jackpot and took the first flight to Fiji, never to be seen or heard from again. Fingers crossed, it’s been real betches!


Pregnancy Is All Fun And Games Until You Can’t See Or Shave Your Vagina Anymore.

Ahh, pregnancy – it’s such a beautiful thing, isn’t it?



Let me preface this post by saying that I feel incredibly blessed to be this far along in my pregnancy. After a year and a half of trying to figure out (sperm + egg) ÷ fertile days – hockey schedule = healthy baby, along with the unfortunate losses of two of our babies to heaven, I really can’t believe that there are only six more weeks until Michaela’s estimated birthdate. I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a couple of weeks now (you know, because I’m like totally an expert on all things pregnancy now), except that I didn’t want to sound like an ungrateful asshole complaining about the miracle of life when I was so open and honest about the pain that I experienced before and after the deaths of our last two babes. But because I can sometimes be an Asshat Aficionado, and because I feel like it’s my blogger civil duty to be your best online friend and not spare you any of the nittygritty details about pregnancy like most of my mommyfriends did, today I’m here to share all of the whacked out shit that I wasn’t prepared for that I’ve experienced so far during this pregnancy. You’re welcome.


At Some Point You Won’t Be Able To See Or Shave Your Vagina Anymore
A couple of weeks ago I texted all of my mommyfriends and told them that I was questioning our friendships because not one of them warned me that at some point I was going to step into the shower and not only be unable to see my vagina, but that I wouldn’t be able to reach it to shave it, either. I mean, I guess maybe it goes without being said that when your stomach feels like you have a basketball up in it rather than a baby that it will eventually become near impossible to bend over and reach your ladybits … but all I know is that I’m very grateful for the hormone relaxin which has allowed me to work on some seriously impressive gymnastic moves in the shower lately that would make Gabby Douglas veryyyyyy jealous.

You’ll Probably Pee Your Pants
Last week I was walking up the basement stairs when I was hit with a SUDDEN, strong urge to pee. I had about six more steps to go when bam – I started peeing my pants. And there was absolutely no stopping the flow. Hello, goodbye pelvic muscles. Did you know that the bladder sits right underneath the uterus, and that while your baby is taking up temporary residency in Casa del Uterus that it uses your insides as it’s own personal punching bag? Rude. Now lets all start and finish at least 50 kegels while we continue reading this post, capisce?

Your First ‘Ultrasound’ Is Transvaginal
“WTF does that mean?” is a question that I just had to answer for one of my besties who is expecting. What this means is that because in the early weeks your baby is the size of a pinprick and is often undetectable by a regular ultrasound (#FiveSecondsPregnant), you instead get to spread your legs and have a dildoesque looking thing that is about the length of your elbow to your fingertips inserted into your vag to be poked and prodded around for a sonogram. Surprise! They do a little jab here and a little jam there, taking photos of your babe, tubes, ovaries, etc. It’s not exactly like in the movies where a soft lullaby is playing in the background and you “ohh!” and “aww!” … it’s a little more uncomfortable and more like “ohh!,” “OUCH!,” “aww,” “AHH!” (hashtag your first #PregnancyProblem).

Your Pee Is Gonna Stank
I’m going to chalk this up to the incredible amount of hormones pumping through your body throughout all seconds of the day. My pee smells … weird? … not exactly like asparagus pee, but it definitely has the same kind of potency like asparagus pee. Maybe I’m just weird – but ladies, do not be alarmed if the same thing happens to you, I think it’s normal?

Holy guacamole. The first time that I experienced these middle of the night stabbings I thought that I had a blocked artery or something and that I was going to end up on an operating table to have my legs amputated. WHY IN THE HELL DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT LEG CRAMPS DURING PREGNANCY ARE A THING? They don’t happen every night, and they’ve maybe only happened about ten times total – but holy babyshitballs when they wake you from your sweet slumber (okay let’s be real here, there is no sweet slumber going on throughout your pregnancy or EVER THE FUCK AGAIN!!!!!)  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember to FLEX your foot. Do not point your foot, it makes the pain of the Charlie Horses a hundred times worse.

Contrary To Popular Belief: There Is A Baby, Not A Fire Breathing Dragon In Your Stomach
Acid reflux during pregnancy is real, yo. I think I really lucked out in the first and second trimesters because beyond incredible exhaustion throughout the fifteenth week, I really had minimal nausea and never got a case of the pukes. Then, in rolled the third trimester and around Week 28 I found myself bolting to the bathroom in the middle of the night with puke and hot flames in my throat. Dr. G. Oogle suggested drinking milk to combat acid reflux so I gave that a try and turned into a human cottage cheese maker. Seriously. And I was as fricken disgusted with myself as you currently think that I am with that visual.

Sex? What’s That?
Granted, TJ is usually five hours away on any given Monday-Sunday, but my sex drive is at an ultimate LOWbido. Some women on the other hand have an incredible interest in sex while pregnant (who the hell are you people?) … but when I’m in bed the only thing that I’m trying to figure out the best position for is how to make it almost feel like I’m sleeping on my stomach again … not how to get tangled up again with the thing that got me into this big fat mess in the first place. (hi mom!)

You’re Going To Poop Yourself
If you have Cannot-Poop-When-People-Are-Around-Phobia like I do, then it is in your best interest to begin to accept and understand that you’re likely going to poop yourself during labor while a whole medical team is staring at your gaping hole vagina. There. I said it.

Constipation Station
While I’m on the subject of poop, I’m pretty sure that the constipation that one experiences during pregnancy is natures way of preparing you for labor. Ya know that whole “breath, breath, push” thing you see in the movies? Yeah, you’ll be doing a whole lot of that on the toilet in the months leading up to labor. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

You’re Going To Get Fat
This is basically a given. As of this morning I have gained 26 pounds and quietly contemplated cutting my arm off to lose a few of them. I’m kidding. Sort of. I tell myself each day that at least ten of those pounds went to my fabulous new rack and that Operation MILF will begin shortly after bringing Michaela home … so develop your own kind of mantra and then go shut your inner fat girl up with a piece of banana bread or a bagel with cream cheese and carry on with your day, mama.

The Icky Truth
You’re going to have weird discharge (ah, that word makes my stomach turn. I’m definitely not mature enough to be spawning a child, people). This is normal unless it’s green or funkylooking, I promise. And you thought that you’d be sparing yourself a trip down the good ‘ole feminine hygiene aisle, didn’t you, sweet grasshopper? If you don’t feel like waddling yourself down that aisle (because you got stuck in the bread or cookies aisles a few rows over) at least make sure that you keep up with your dirty laundry so that you have a clean pair of panties to change into during the day because you’re going to be a classy pregnant bitch, okay? (insert thumbs up Emoji.)

You’ll Go From Cute To Hippo Overnight
I shit you not – one day you’re going to crawl into bed looking “all belly” and cute and Goddess-y, but then when the clock strikes twelve you’re going to transform into a bloated, overly pregnant woman who bumps into a skinnybitch at the Post Office the next day who exclaims, “OH WOW! You really popped, huh? You weren’t this big last week!” These sentiments will make you start scoping out the highest roof within walking distance so that you can go flail yourself off of it … but relax sweet girl – it’s almost over. Pregnancy doesn’t last forever (though it does technically last 10 months, not 9 like we’ve been tricked into believing – WTF?) … and soon you’ll be able to work on #OperationMILF (see above) in between adjusting to your new life as a milking cow / loving momma to an incredible little baby who will make every single shitty little thing you experienced during pregnancy #WorthIt. I hope.


*Legal Bullshit* – Even though Kym Fox believes that she knows everything, she is not a doctor and has zero formal medical training outside of performing extensive research with Dr. G. Oogle. Please do not believe anything that she says here in this good ‘ole Encyclopedia Pregnannica, and make sure that you consult with your OB, midwife or witchdoctor should you have any questions or concerns about the content detailed here. The end.

Mama’s – do you have anything to add to the list?