When I first started writing this blog in 2010, I needed it.
I was living in Germany, required a connection to home, couldn’t work, and sought a creative outlet since I was no longer teaching dance.
Over the years, I found myself needing this blog more and more for a variety of other reasons. Being that we live so far away from my home/family/friends for eight months out of the year, this blog introduced me to a community of people who provided me with instant friendship, love and support with the simple click of the Publish Blog Post Button. Travel Babbles became a space to vent, to cry, to share our life story, to document our memories, and a place to write out my thoughts when TJ was gone on roadtrips and the only person I got to talk to for days on end was a four legged puppernutter named Brutus.
But truth be told, I don’t need this blog anymore. Not in the same way that I used to.
And I feel like a part of me is dying. Or maybe it’s growing. I haven’t figured that one out quite yet.
This blog is a complete extension of my heart and mind … it’s been a constant in my life for the past four years between multiple moves and empty moments and confusing times. And happy times, too. I’m not ready to quit blogging entirely, because quitting means I gave up and since I’m competitive by nature, that’s really not an option for me … but I guess I’m just more interested in writing new chapters of my life offline … ones that don’t need to be instantly updated on Instagram or Twitter, or crafted into something for pageviews or likes or comments from strangers.
And the ultimate facts of this matter are this: I know my blog readers and I know that all of my most popular posts over the past four years were fueled by hurt or anger or loss or frustration. My most popular posts aren’t my recipe posts or Thursday Things or what I did over the weekend or random mumbojumbo. And honestly, they’re not mine either. My favorite posts are the ones that I WROTE, where I shared my heart and where I was “real” and “authentic” and “brave” and “transparent” (or so I was told) … but I’ve finally found genuine happiness and peace in my life, and casting my crazy out into the interwebs when life isn’t all lemon bars and puppy’s breath just isn’t really of interest to me anymore.
And so I’m stuck. And when something (as silly as a blog) becomes a part of you and becomes a reflection of who you are, when it starts to suck you can’t help but feel like you suck a little (as a blogger), too. And so that’s where I’m at right now - and that’s enough sharing of my uncaffeinated brain for a Tuesday morning.